Cheech (Father): I SAID TURN THAT THING DOWN AND GET READY FOR SCHOOL!

Chong (Son): HEY! What're ya tryin' to do?! You ruined my record, man, I just bought it!

Cheech: I don't care what you just bought! You get your fanny-perpendicular and get ready for school!

Chong: I'm not going to school!

Cheech: What do you mean you're not going to school?!

Chong: Just what I said, I'm not going to school!

Cheech: And why not?!

Chong: Because I'm sick, that's why not!

Cheech: Sick...you're sick alright, what's wrong with you now, Prince Charming?

Chong: I got an earache.

Cheech: Earache my eye! How'd you like a buttache?! Now get your little fanny out of that bed and clean up this room, it looks like a pigsty. You hear me?!

(Chong makes pig noises)

Cheech: Alright, that's enough! That's enough! You've pushed me far enough, young man, you're getting punished! Now stand up!

Chong: No!

Cheech: I said STAND UP!

(Pulls Chong's hair and Chong screams)

Chong: Hey, let go of my hair, man!

Cheech: Now, young man, I have talked to you, and talked to you, and talked to you until I'm blue in the face, and I'm done talking to you!

Chong: Good, does that mean you're done spitting on me, too?!

Cheech: Shut up, I'm not done talking to you! Now turn around and bend over!

Chong: Well, what're ya gonna do ya pervert?

Cheech: Pervert...why you snotty...

(Cheech chases Chong and Chong whimpers)

Cheech: Oh, shut up, I haven't even touched you yet! Now I want you to know that this is going to hurt you more than it's gonna hurt me!

(Cheech spanks Chong weakily)

Chong: Oh, wow, that didn't even hurt.

Cheech: Oh yeah!?

(Cheech spanks Chong weakily again)

Chong: Oh, wow, what're you trying to do, tickle me?

Cheech: Tickle you, yeah, I'll tickle you...

(Cheech spanks Chong hard, hurting him)

Cheech: Does that tickle, huh? How about another tickle? Come on, laugh it up, funny boy!

(Cheech finishes spanking Chong)

Chong: No more, no more, no more!

Cheech: Alright, are you going to do what I tell you?

Chong: Yeah, yeah! (Whimpering)

Cheech: Are you going to talk back to me?

Chong: Yeah, yeah! (Going along with the lecture, doesn't realize what he said)

Cheech: WHAT?!

Chong: I mean, no, no, no...

Cheech: Good. Now you get your clothes on and get your little butt ready for school. Right now, do you understand?

Chong: (Faking a whimper) Yeah...

Cheech: Alright.

(Cheech leaves the room and closes the door, Chong breathes a sigh of relief and turns on the music again)